EastEnders star Natalie Cassidy has opened up about the death of her mother, saying she has now “forgiven herself”.
Cassidy, who plays Sonia Fowler on the BBC soap, was only 19 when her mother, Evelyn, tragically passed away following a battle with bowel cancer in 2002.
Speaking candidly on the Life with Nat podcast, the actor shared that she had now “learned to live” after years of “guilt”, explaining: “I lost my mum when I was 19. It was a time when I was out and about.
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“When you’re a late teenager you’re not really thinking about your mum unfortunately. I lost her quite suddenly and I’ve carried a lot of guilt really about the fact that I wasn’t there. I wasn’t there for her and didn’t spend the time I should have with her.
“But my brothers always say they were the same at that age and they got to come back because they were older. So I’ve kind of forgiven myself if you like. But the days for me don’t get any easier – you just learn to live with it.”
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Cassidy, who first played Sonia in 1993, recently filmed her final scenes as the iconic character, with the actor announcing her departure from the soap back in January. In a subsequent update, the actor said the “time was right” to exit.
“I left because I felt the time was right to do so,” she said. “I was ready for a change after 32 years. I adore EastEnders, but you can’t do everything. EastEnders is a factory with 60 cast members and 300 staff.
“So they can’t cater to someone who says, ‘By the way, I need two months off to do this, I need another three months off to do this.’ It’s not fair. It had to be a clean break so I can focus on other projects and spend time with my family.”
EastEnders airs on Mondays-Thursdays at 7.30pm on BBC One. The show also streams on BBC iPlayer, where most episodes drop early at 6am ahead of their TV broadcast.
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If you identify with the themes in this article, the NHS has resources available to help with grief counselling and other support in the UK. In the US, the CDC also has resources available for those grieving.